My first STD was from a foam party
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How does one acquire holy water?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
