Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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