I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
