he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
