Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
