I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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