We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
