god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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