Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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