If i come over, it means nothing
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
