How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
