I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
