Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
