What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize