I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
