I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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