I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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