Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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