Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
