They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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