What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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