Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
