WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize