I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
