Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
