If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Randomize
