think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
