he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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