Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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