I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
