My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
