What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize