My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
