If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
