You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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