Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
