Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize