Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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