trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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