Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
