"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
