the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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