Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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