She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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