You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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