So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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