well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
