Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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