Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
