If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
two words...techno handjob
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
