So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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