Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
50% drunk capacity currently
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
