Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize