We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's blow job season.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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