yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
