It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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