I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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