Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
