Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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