Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
