i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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