why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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