She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
