This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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