obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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