More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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