The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
