I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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